You can't DM a stranger out of nowhere
That's the rule, and it's the most important thing to understand about how connections work on In Eden. Before anyone can message you — or you them — both people have to agree to be connected. We call that the handshake.
This isn't an artifact of an old codebase or a friction we forgot to remove. It exists because the alternative is the rest of the internet, and the rest of the internet didn't earn women's trust on this.
How a connection actually happens
- You find someone interesting — through Friend Match, a group, an event RSVP list, or a profile search.
- You tap Connect. You can optionally write a short note (up to 200 characters) — context about why you're reaching out. "Saw we're both into Pilates and live in Scottsdale — wanted to say hi."
- She gets a request in her Connect tab under the Requests chip. She sees your profile, your note, and your verification status.
- She taps Accept or Decline. Or she ignores it; nothing happens to anyone if she does.
- If she accepts, a thread opens in both of your inboxes and you can start chatting. If she declines, she's removed from your match pool silently and you're never shown to her again.
What Free vs Paid changes
Free members can receive connection requests but can't send them. Once a Paid member sends you a request, you can accept and reply with full DM access — even on Free. The asymmetry exists so the people initiating contact have skin in the game.
Free members also get one event "trial pass" to RSVP without upgrading. After that, RSVP requires Paid.
The note is optional but worth writing
Profiles with a note attached to the connection request get accepted at meaningfully higher rates than profiles without one. Not a surprise — the note gives the other person something to react to other than your photo. Specifics work best. "Loved your group's last gathering" beats "Hi!"
We rate-limit notes: you can't spam the same note to twenty people. If we see identical notes going out in bulk, we surface a warning and quietly cap your send rate.
After accepting — what's open
Once a thread is open, you can:
- Send text messages.
- Send one photo per message (5MB max, auto-deletes after 30 days for storage).
- React to messages with tapbacks (six reactions: like, love, praying-hands, laugh, exclaim, question).
We don't support voice notes at v1. Read receipts and typing indicators are off by default and opt-in per thread — turning them on in one DM doesn't turn them on everywhere.
Disconnecting
You can disconnect anyone from your connections list at any time, no reason needed, no notification sent. The thread is hidden from both of you. If you want a harder break — block — see Reporting and blocking.
Founders messaging members in their group
There's one exception to the handshake: Founders can DM any member of a group they lead without sending a connection request first. Membership in a Founder's group is treated as implicit consent — you've already chosen to be in her community. You can mute her blasts per-Founder in Notifications without leaving the group.